i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
