week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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