just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
