shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
