Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize