Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
