An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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