sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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