is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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