I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
