Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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