It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Randomize
