i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
