it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
