I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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