My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
