Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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