You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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