we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
