i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
