Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
