If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
