you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
