is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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