break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
