So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
