he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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