i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
