i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
