Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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