Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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