it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
