My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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