i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize