Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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