This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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