too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
