my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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