I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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