Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
