Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
