Betty ford says i'm here all night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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