I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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