You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
operation harelip BJ is a go
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize