what day is it and did you see me today?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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