Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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