I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
