We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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