sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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