he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
