I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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