I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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