he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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