I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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