Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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