So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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