Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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