He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
