and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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