Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times