I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm gonna have a badass scar
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
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I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to