Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.

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  (248): If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would. http://tfl.nu/psvg
  Replies (5) Good night (570) Bad night (913)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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  (989): News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus. (1-989): Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right. http://tfl.nu/jho0
  Replies (22) Good night (4650) Bad night (1014)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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  (201): Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs. http://tfl.nu/3fsr
  Replies (19) Good night (5369) Bad night (1148)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.

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  (302): because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride. http://tfl.nu/wwvv
  Replies (10) Good night (1182) Bad night (3829)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up

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  (630): I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up http://tfl.nu/11fq
  Replies (3) Good night (2343) Bad night (1098)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.

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  (214): He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am. http://tfl.nu/wn9t
  Replies (4) Good night (2211) Bad night (791)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future

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  (+44): Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future http://tfl.nu/1p5t
  Replies (9) Good night (2588) Bad night (591)
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  (530): View more from California

  Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.

  (1-530): View more from California

  at least it wasnt animals

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  (530): Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences. (1-530): at least it wasnt animals http://tfl.nu/kq9s
  Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (1484)
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  (714): View more from California

  Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.

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  (714): Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends. http://tfl.nu/ft9d
  Replies (17) Good night (4559) Bad night (852)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult

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  (813): Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult http://tfl.nu/ufyx
  Replies (6) Good night (1934) Bad night (580)
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  (646): View more from New York

  My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.

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  (646): My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole. http://tfl.nu/klnl
  Replies (11) Good night (564) Bad night (1385)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Congratulations on your lack of fetus.

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  (630): Congratulations on your lack of fetus. http://tfl.nu/ujd7
  Replies (4) Good night (1920) Bad night (901)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner

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  (418): You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner http://tfl.nu/wvf5
  Replies (6) Good night (945) Bad night (429)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life

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  (248): I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life http://tfl.nu/uyc5
  Replies (2) Good night (620) Bad night (445)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?

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  (605): seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys? http://tfl.nu/ijfs
  Replies (9) Good night (832) Bad night (411)

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