Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

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  (508): ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks http://tfl.nu/ycbx
  Replies (149) Good night (3374) Bad night (2074)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

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  (509): Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though http://tfl.nu/7ly3
  Replies (19) Good night (6036) Bad night (1063)
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  (754): View more from Florida

  you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.

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  (754): you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence. http://tfl.nu/syql
  Replies (16) Good night (4386) Bad night (1075)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."

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  (724): You kept referring to your penis as "this guy." http://tfl.nu/osjv
  Replies (18) Good night (5167) Bad night (1282)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us

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  (225): She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us http://tfl.nu/zfzd
  Replies (28) Good night (5301) Bad night (1217)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

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  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4744) Bad night (1206)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.

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  (484): It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over. http://tfl.nu/cnrb
  Replies (1) Good night (1774) Bad night (738)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.

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  (438): I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning. http://tfl.nu/ev9g
  Replies (15) Good night (3160) Bad night (997)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being

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  (904): Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being http://tfl.nu/rzj7
  Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (477)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.

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  (479): Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical. http://tfl.nu/g3fg
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?

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  (305): He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right? http://tfl.nu/9ey8
  Replies (5) Good night (747) Bad night (589)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!

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  (573): Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica! http://tfl.nu/ntrd
  Replies (1) Good night (1015) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick

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  (516): I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick http://tfl.nu/9fbv
  Replies (2) Good night (608) Bad night (222)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.

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  (256): Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants. http://tfl.nu/myfs
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (456)
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  (585): View more from New York

  The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.

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  (585): The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt. http://tfl.nu/0ycz
  Replies (1) Good night (287) Bad night (194)

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