you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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