Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize