So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.