A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
