Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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